Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
