i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
