I wannas sexs uuuuu
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
