the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
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You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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