I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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