i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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