you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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