After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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