just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
