Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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