I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
