non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm just crazy horny about you
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
