I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
