So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
