Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I am available for nakedness
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
