oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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