OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
