My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
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Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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