I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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