You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
