I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
