sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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