i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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