I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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