Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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