he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You were trust falling into bushes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
