just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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