Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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