your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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