I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
