two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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