Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
