Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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