you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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