you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
