I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
