Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
