I wannas sexs uuuuu
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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