she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
