In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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