I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
