Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
