my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
