someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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