i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
