Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
