and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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