Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
