last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
