You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
