Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dignity is for republicans.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
