tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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