The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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