Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
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Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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