I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
