Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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