Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
