I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
