At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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