I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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