the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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