I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
