I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
