Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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