ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So many bounce houses so little time
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
