Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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