In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
