Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
