How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
