we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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