the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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