i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
