Where did you get a picture of my penis
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
