I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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